Aleister Crowley
"Aug." 10,
1911.
Full moon to-night; and six and twenty years
Since my full moon
first broke from angel spheres!
A year of infinite love unwearying ---
No
circling seasons, but perennial spring!
A year of triumph trampling through
defeat,
The first made holy and the last made sweet
By this same love; a
year of wealth and woe,
Joy, poverty, health, sickness --- all one glow
In
the pure light that filled our firmament
Of supreme silence and unbarred
extent,
Wherein one sacrament was ours, one Lord,
One resurrection, one
recurrent chord,
One incarnation, one descending dove,
All these being
one, and that one being Love!
You sent your spirit into tunes; my
soul
Yearned in a thousand melodies to enscroll
Its happiness: I left no
flower unplucked
That might have graced your garland. I induct
Tragedy,
comedy, farce, fable, song,
Each longing a little, each a little long,
But
each aspiring only to express
Your excellence and my unworthiness ---
Nay! but my worthiness, since I was sense
And spirit too of that same
excellence.
So thus we solved the earth's revolving riddle:
I could
write verse, and you could play the fiddle,
While, as for love, the sun went
through the signs,
And not a star but told him how love twines
A wreath
for every decanate, degree,
Minute and second, linked eternally
In chains
of flowers that never fading are,
Each one as sempiternal as a
star.
Let me go back to your last birthday. Then
I was already your
one man of men
Appointed to complete you, and fulfil
From everlasting the
eternal will.
We lay within the flood of crimson light
In my own balcony
that August night,
And conjuring the aright and the averse
Created yet
another universe.
We worked together; dance and rite and
spell
Arousing heaven and constraining hell.
We lived together; every hour
of rest
Was honied from your tiger-lily breast.
We --- oh what lingering
doubt or fear betrayed
My life to fate! --- we parted. Was I afraid?
I was
afraid, afraid to live my love,
Afraid you played the serpent, I the
dove,
Afraid of what I know not. I am glad
Of all the shame and
wretchedness I had,
Since those six weeks have taught me not to doubt
you,
And also that I cannot live without you.
Then I came back to you;
black treasons rear
Their heads, blind hates, deaf agonies of
fear,
Cruelty, cowardice, falsehood, broken pledges,
The temple soiled
with senseless sacrileges,
Sickness and poverty, a thousand
evils,
Concerted malice of a million devils; ---
You never swerved; your
high-pooped galleon
Went marvellously, majestically on
Full-sailed, while
every other braver bark
Drove on the rocks, or foundered in the
dark.
Then Easter, and the days of all delight!
God's sun lit noontide
and his moon midnight,
While above all, true centre of our world,
True
source of light, our great love passion-pearled
Gave all its life and
splendour to the sea
Above whose tides stood our stability.
Then
sudden and fierce, no monitory moan,
Smote the mad mischief of the great
cyclone.
How far below us all its fury rolled!
How vainly sulphur tries to
tarnish gold!
We lived together: all its malice meant
Nothing but freedom
of a continent!
It was the forest and the river that knew
The fact
that one and one do not make two.
We worked, we walked, we slept, we were at
ease,
We cried, we quarrelled; all the rocks and trees
For twenty miles
could tell how lovers played,
And we could count a kiss for every
glade.
Worry, starvation, illness and distress?
Each moment was a mine of
happiness.
Then we grew tired of being country mice,
Came up to Paris,
lived our sacrifice
There, giving holy berries to the moon,
July's
thanksgiving for the joys of June.
And you are gone away --- and how
shall I
Make August sing the raptures of July?
And you are gone away ---
what evil star
Makes you so competent and popular?
How have I raised this
harpy-hag of Hell's
Malice --- that you are wanted somewhere else?
I wish
you were like me a man forbid,
Banned, outcast, nice society well rid
Of
the pair of us --- then who would interfere
With us? --- my darling, you
would now be here!
But no! we must fight on, win through,
succeed,
Earn the grudged praise that never comes to meed,
Lash dogs to
kennel, trample snakes, put bit
In the mule-mouths that have such need of
it,
Until the world there's so much to forgive in
Becomes a little
possible to live in.
God alone knows if battle or surrender
Be the
true courage; either has its splendour.
But since we chose the first, God
aid the right,
And damn me if I fail you in the fight!
God join again the
ways that lie apart,
And bless the love of loyal heart to heart!
God keep
us every hour in every thought,
And bring the vessel of our love to
port!
These are my birthday wishes. Dawn's at hand,
And you're an
exile in a lonely land.
But what were magic if it could not give
My
thought enough vitality to live?
Do not then dream this night has been a
loss!
All night I have hung, a god, upon the cross;
All night I have
offered incense at the shrine;
All night you have been unutterably
mine,
Miner in the memory of the first wild hour
When my rough grasp tore
the unwilling flower
From your closed garden, mine in every mood,
In every
tense, in every attitude,
In every possibility, still mine
While the sun's
pomp and pageant, sign to sign,
Stately proceeded, mine not only so
In the
glamour of memory and austral glow
Of ardour, but by image of my
brow
Stronger than sense, you are even here and now
Miner, utterly mine,
my sister and my wife,
Mother of my children, mistress of my life!
O
wild swan winging through the morning mist!
The thousand thousand kisses that
we kissed,
The infinite device our love devised
If by some chance its
truth might be surprised,
Are these all past? Are these to come? Believe
me,
There is no parting; they can never leave me.
I have built you up into
my heart and brain
So fast that we can never part again.
Why should I sing
you these fantastic psalms
When all the time I have you in my arms?
Why?
'tis the murmur of our love that swells
Earth's dithyrambs and ocean's
oracles.
But this is dawn; my soul shall make its nest
Where your
sighs swing from rapture into rest
Love's thurible, your tiger-lily breast.